You collapse on the couch after a long day, spend an hour scrolling your phone, and somehow feel more tired than when you started. Sound familiar?
Idleness looks like rest but is simply just an unproductive form of busy. True rest is when you not only look relaxed, but are relaxed. It used to be easier to truly relax before marketing scientists figured out that they didn’t have our full attention. Once we invited our phones into our downtime, we started trading out our rest for idleness.
Most nights I am in bed by 9:30. When I only grab my phone to set the alarm and put it on the charger, I get great sleep and wake rested with energy at 4 AM. When I scroll through videos, check email, or play a mobile game before bed, I don’t sleep as well and feel sluggish the next morning.
Modern smartphones have the ability to filter out blue light, which we are told affects the quality of our sleep. The iPhone has Night Shift, which is supposed to automatically shift to warmer colors to prevent the blue light that is hard on our eyes. I have also tried a black and white filter as well and don’t notice much of a difference. Our focus should be on the content, which is keeping our minds engaged to the point where an hour can melt away without us even noticing it.
Sleep and physical activity tend to restore me. Sleep has to be preceded by a natural wind-down period. If I invite digital stimulus into that time and then attempt to go to bed, I don’t seem to relax for hours, even if I did fall asleep.
I like to begin my day with physical activity. After waking from restful sleep, I always have a stronger workout, even if the span of sleep was less than desirable.
I try to get a few non-work things done on the weekends, but lately have found myself desiring rest, which has resulted in some enjoyable naps. However, there have also been times where I went to lay down and ended up on my phone for a while before setting it aside for my nap. Those naps didn’t accomplish the intended result.
Entertainment, which we used to turn to as a form of leisure, has become hyper-engaging and it’s robbing us of true rest. To maximize monetization opportunity, content is optimized to consume our attention. This means that content is created to boost metrics like watch time and engagement because that results in more exposure and more ad revenue for the creator. The content trends are all about following what is most engaging in the moment.
If our world is optimizing for ROA (Return On Attention), we need to be optimizing for ROR (Return on Restfulness). The algorithms are smarter than us, especially when what we really need is rest.
I fall into idleness because my body is telling me that I need rest, but my mind is telling me I need dopamine.
I try to create boundaries to make it harder to seek out idleness over rest, but often fail because entertainment is fun and my technology serves multiple purposes in my life, making it hard to remove it. When I have boundaries in place, I am able to avoid idleness and find restfulness in reading, napping, and journaling. Paying attention to how I’m feeling, combined with consistent journaling, makes it easier for me to recognize when I’ve gotten off track.
An ideal wind-down period for me starts when I finish work. If I carry work into my evening, then I am more prone to seek idleness over restfulness. At times it can be hard to transition into family time and then into rest, but we have to figure it out and fight back against the things that pull us towards idleness.
There is a song called “Dusty Bibles” by Josiah Queen that opens with the line, “We got dust on our Bibles, brand new iPhones, no wonder why we feel this way.” This song explains the disconnect between what we know we should be doing and what we actually do.
I believe that it is important for me as a man to avoid idleness because men set the pace for their household. I know that when I have given in to idleness for too long, my family is as well. It becomes challenging for my kids to find motivation on their own. There are more arguments and patience for each other disappears.
When I am idle, my response to household situations doesn’t go as well as when I am rested. Being pulled out of idleness to deal with something often results in me being impatient and lacking sympathy. When I am rested, my reactions are helpful and compassionate.
When I recognize I have been idle or am feeling prone to idleness, I seek true rest. I make sure I am eating good food and that I am physically active. This helps regulate both my mind and body. It also creates a cycle of needing beneficial rest because I am tired both physically and mentally.
What would change in your family dynamic if you chose true rest over idleness this week?