Rediscovering the lost art of civil conversation
I would like to write about being able to disagree with people and still respect them. These days our country has become so divisive and quick to anger over having a difference of opinion. Ultimately, we are all humans and Americans (if you live here of course). The fact that we exist and get to live in this amazing country is like winning the lottery.
We have the best living and working conditions in the world and the most freedom of choice. We have lost the recognition of our privilege and have become consumed with things that matter but ultimately are inconsequential at best when compared to the basic liberties we have here in this country.
I understand where the outrage comes from. Most of us feel unheard or even silenced. We are afraid to share our opinions because someone else might get upset with us. The loudest voices get promoted online whether or not their opinions are valid or tested. Because we spend so much more time in our own heads processing what we take in without having actual conversations, the ability to hear someone else gets increasingly stifled.
We build up an entire world in our own minds where anyone with a differing opinion is the enemy. The internet has made it easier for us to find people who completely agree with us, siloing us even more.
If we keep going in this direction, hate will continue to grow. This is not pointing a finger at any side of the aisle; both are at fault. In the US, we have free speech, but we are destroying that ourselves by telling each other that your speech can only be free around me if I agree with it 100%.
I don’t know about you, but I have never come across someone who agrees with me 100%. I would actually hate that. When I read a book, I get a different opinion on something that helps me understand a topic better. I can take what I believe applies to my life and try to improve my understanding and mindset.
Here’s what we need to start doing again:
1. Seek Out Diverse Perspectives
- Regularly consume information from a variety of sources, including those that challenge existing views, to prevent confirmation bias and echo chambers
- Actively engage with people who hold different opinions, whether in professional, social, or online settings
- Consider following or subscribing to news and commentary across the spectrum to broaden understanding
2. Practice Curiosity and Active Listening
- Ask open-ended questions during conversations, aiming to understand rather than refute the other person’s perspective
- Avoid immediately offering counterarguments; instead, reflect back what has been shared to show genuine effort to comprehend the other person’s point of view
- Validate points you agree with and be transparent, calm, and respectful about those you do not
3. Pause and Reflect Before Responding
- If disagreement triggers a defensive reaction, take a moment to breathe and reflect before responding; this helps break habitual defensive patterns
- Acknowledge personal limitations and remain open to being wrong, which disarms tension and models humility for others
- Use phrases like, “Tell me more about your perspective,” or, “I hear what you’re saying; can I share my viewpoint too?” to maintain a constructive dialogue
Two things we need to start doing again:
First, take all information and develop our own unique opinions. Stop taking the opinion of another and making your life about it.
Second, be open to those with a difference of opinion. If they are unable to hear your opinion, then don’t waste your energy on them. You have far better things to do with your time and there are far better people to surround yourself with.
If you are not being challenged, then you are not growing. Perhaps you are afraid to be challenged; that’s okay. Because being challenged isn’t comfortable, we fight back like little children who didn’t want to share a toy.
By employing these strategies, it becomes easier to maintain openness and foster respectful, non-defensive discussions across differences.
What conversation have you been avoiding because you’re afraid of disagreement?
