Your Life Sucks Because You Expect It To Suck (and 10 Ways to Improve It Right Now)

Contemplative girlContrary to popular belief, you are in control of our life. You may believe, based on what you have been taught, that other people have at least some control over your destiny.

We want you to understand that this is not the case…unless you allow it to be.

You may have learned to expect life to be difficult, limiting, and unrewarding. Now is your chance to unlearn that, grow, and succeed.

The following list will help guide you through taking back control over your life. It’s a lot of information so I would suggest printing it out or bookmarking it so you can return on a regular basis and remind yourself what you are trying to accomplish.

1. Don’t Exist to Survive, Exist to Flourish

Everyone has basic survival needs. It is important that you seek to meet your needs and then strive to move beyond them.

So many people get caught up in meeting their needs that they stop after that small accomplishment. It’s paycheck to paycheck. We pay the rent, we pay the bills, we buy the food, we buy the clothes, we borrow for our pleasure and we go back to work. The money comes in, the money goes out, and the names are changed to protect the innocent.

An ant works all day and at the end of the day it’s still an ant and it’s still working. In order to break from the habits of the ant, you simply need to choose to do so. Don’t let life happen to you; you need to happen to life.

Get out of debt, get an emergency fund, generate more income, save for your retirement, and build wealth.

2. Don’t Allow Other People’s Limits To Control You

Your expectations of life were developed as a child. Your beliefs and views of the world depend on how your parents, grandparents, friends, and teachers interacted with you.

Some people think that they will never be rich or treated fairly because of their skin color. Others think they need the government to help them get ahead because their parents thought they needed the government. One friend told you that being rich was simply good fortune; that you had to win life’s lottery in order to make it. Your uncle told you that it’s impossible to live comfortably without borrowing money.

These people have set limits on you and you are allowing those limits to control your life.

You can identify a limit that has been set on you every time you find yourself thinking negatively about a situation or goal. Work to identify each limit as it presents itself and then conquer the limit by proving it wrong.

Free yourself from the control of other people’s beliefs.

3. Don’t Manufacture or Invite Pain

Do you believe that life has to be difficult? My Aunt always told me, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” (I’ve conquered the limit she set on me, by the way).

Sometimes we invite pain because we don’t feel comfortable without it. Pain is at least a sign that you’re still alive, right? But does it help us or hold us back?

Life does not have to be hard. It’s really only as hard as you want it to be.

Say this to yourself a few times: I don’t owe anyone anything and I am not responsible for others. We bring pain on ourselves when we feel that we need to repay that which was given to us as a gift, or when we try to take responsibility for others.

Stop brining unnecessary pain on yourself.

4. Fix Yourself, Don’t Affix Blame

Be accountable for your past, present, and future. Whatever has happened thus far is your fault and whatever is going to happen in the future is also your fault.

If you affix blame and live life as a victim, you will stay a victim forever. Victims do not realize dreams and goals, proactive people do.

Besides, blaming doesn’t fix anything, only action does. If you want to improve your life, you have to take responsibility for it.

5. Forgive Others To Release Their Control Of You

Face whatever has been done to you in the past, recover from it, and then forgive.

When you fail to forgive, you allow the unforgiven person or thing to control you forever. It will be a constant weight hooked to your ankles that you choose to drag around for your entire life. Notice I said you choose to drag it around. You choose to drag it because you can also choose to break the chain at any time.

Face it, accept it, recover from it, and forgive. You will never find freedom without forgiveness.

6. Think Positive Of Yourself and Your Life

Cultivate an indomitable spirit. Believe you can and will succeed.

Make a list of positive statements about yourself and read them everyday.

Do not make excuses or put yourself down in conversations with others or with yourself. And analyze the people you come in contact with on a regular basis. Are these negative people or positive people? Your friends should support you and lift you up, not depress you and drag you down to their level.

And when someone compliments you, say thank you. That’s important. Many people receive compliments and respond with, “oh well, I’m really not…”.

Believe in yourself and others will believe in you.

7. Suppress Drama and Embrace Reality

If you notice, the drama queens always have drama in their life. Drama doesn’t find them, they find the drama. That’s because drama is a choice.

It’s also important to understand that drama limits you. It is a tool of victims. The more drama you allow in your life, the more you will lose sight of your goals. Drama does not create progress, it forbids it.

If you are around people who always experience drama of one type or another, think about distancing yourself from that person. You don’t need the baggage that comes with constant drama.

8. Fulfill Your Own Wants and Needs

Many people are caught up in putting other’s first. It is ingrained in a lot of us during childhood. Let your friends go first, serve the guests first, hold the door for others, etc. So when it comes to true needs and wants, we often transfer those learned behaviors and suppress ourselves.

Instead, start putting yourself first when you really want to or need to. If you are asked to work an extra day but you really feel like you need to spend some time with your family, don’t agree to work. If someone asks you what you want, don’t answer in generalizations or tell them it doesn’t matter, think about it and tell them what you really want.

Make your own wants and needs a number one priority.

9. Leave the Past Where it Belongs

The past is just that–the past. What happened in the past does not necessarily allude to what is going to happen in the future.

Each new career, new relationship, and new friendship have their own unique potential. If you were let down in the past, you can’t let that affect your present and future. They aren’t the same.

If you live in the past, you will constantly live in a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s the title of this article. Your life will suck because you expect it to suck. It’s that simple.

10. Realize that the Enemy is You

We have met the enemy, and he is us.

In order to conquer the outside, you must first conquer the inside. Look to yourself. We hold ourselves back more than anyone else has the power to. When you realize this is the reality you will find it easier to deal with your issues and make progress toward your goals.

Which of the ten points do you feel you need the most work on?

  • JessyD

    So I was reading your information on how to be a better person, or to be happier. I like a lot of them and you seem to understand that a lot of people need to get up, get over it and get going. I believe that.
    But some of your advice does not take into account the people that really have real problems. For example “I don’t owe anyone anything?” like half of America is in uncontrollable debt.
    Secondly, and what really bothered me, is that you asked people to stop living life as a victim. This may be good advice, but it isn’t something that is going to fix people on a blog. People who have been real victims need to see therapists and doctors, and maybe even lawyers, to overcome that tragedy.
    Those with loved ones who have died when they shouldn’t have, those who have been raped, those who have been discriminated against in the work place for race, gender, or religion, or whatever tragedy has struck them, they don’t need a random blogger to tell them they shouldn’t feel like victims. They are victims.
    So for future reference, give advice from issues you know about. And stay away from issues where you are telling people that potentially need real help, that they just need to suck it up.

  • kelbel

    Thanks for this super article. I must say this is what I am busy incorporating into my life as well as ‘The Secret. From birth I thought that my life was one suffering after the other from poverty to not being able to educate myself on a higher degree to companies I have worked for that wasn’t doing so great, not having a home and food, terrible relationships, no money and the list goes on and on. A person tends to stare at all of that and one day you sit with depression, suicide and feelings of selfworthlesness.
    I have decided to stop that and make the best I have in this life. Go out and make more money to have the life that I am entitled to have and that is my birthright on this earth.
    I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, a home to live in now, extra cash and a job for the last six years. I have decided this morning (before even dreaming of this article) that all the stuff I listed above and more is not going to control my life. I have drawn a simbolic line in the sand and said that that is my past and my past is not going to be part of my future and that it has no control over me what-so-ever anymore. I am feeling better already. No amount of phsycological help, anti-depressants, laywers, minister and you name it the list goes on and on is going to help you. You need to make that choice on your own for you are in charge of your life. By making a change in yourself you are changing the world. By sending out positive thoughts you are starting to heal this world. Be the best person you can possible be.
    PS!!!! JessD – have a look at yourself and take action. You sound like a basket ball case and is blaming everything and anything but yourself. You don’t need to be so miserable and you don’t need to feel miserable for others. They need to sort themselves out. Yes, terrible things happen but there is also a lot of beauty out there.

  • http://changeyourtree.com/blog/2007/12/13/your-life-sucks-because-you-expect-it-to-suck-and-10-ways-to-improve-it-right-now/ Kevin @ Change Your Tree

    Please don’t repost my articles in full, it lowers both of our search engine rankings because of duplicated content.

    Please reduce this post to a quote from the article and a link to the original that’s on my site.

    Thank you.

  • trick

    JessyD, he is just saying that they are victims, because they wanted to be victims. Sounds stupid, but it is possible that this is exactly the reason why they are victims. It is a law of attraction theory – the thing you think about is happening to you.

  • http://www.ijerad.com Jerad

    JessyD, even in the midst of life issues, whatever those may be, you still have the power to rise above it. If you knew much about my life story then maybe my post would be more authentic to you. Keep in mind that I did not write this article but I 100% agree with it.

    I have overcame many situations that should have shut me down and put me in a place where I would fear to grow or move on. All of those things ranging from family issues to legal issues. I know that there are people who have been faced with far worse then I have but in all reality it is up to the person to move on with their life. Not to forget and to pretend it never happened but to use it as a foot hold in their life to make it to the next level.

    I often run this quote through my head when I am making decisions… “What would the child you once were think about the adult you have become?” You see stories on tv and in the news every day from people who have overcame the impossible. What you are saying discredits that. I am not saying that you can not be a victim, I was in a car accident last year, it was not my fault. I was the victim, my truck was almost totaled. $16,500 in damage. Did I let that effect the work that needed to be done the next day? No, I moved on. Had to pay for a rental car out of pocket for 3 weeks, cost me $1800. I moved on, I did not sit there and complain about my situation although I wanted to.

    A person’s life sucks because they make it suck. You have the ability to do whatever you put your mind to, even overcome what some might say is the impossible.

  • Tracy

    You said it all too well. Very good points.

  • http://www.lefman.com Ron

    Spot on Jerad! Correcting the frame of mind is the name of the game. I have had some recent adversity in my life by a job loss and economic hard times like most people my initial reaction was to panic setting the limit on myself. That’s when I made a choice to get past my limitation of the emotion connected to this issue. Once I adjusted my thinking surrounding this issue my personal mission statement has been “Do what I can with what I have , where I am at in life” . Great article I am going to forward this to someone I know who needs to read this advice as well.

  • http://www.doctorscott.org Dr. Scott

    We have problems in our life because of the energy from the soul level. This soul energy carries our destiny, our desires, our eye color, our height, our weight, our thoughts and feelings etc., etc. In the East this is called your “Karma” – most of it is negative. In the West, Jesus referred to it as our “Sins”. Unless we remove these negative energies and create a new, positive karma you can “think positive” until the end of time- things won’t change. Behavioral approaches are only temporary or fleeting. 95% of what we do, where we go, your interests, the people in our lives, etc. is all ruled by karma. Time to get rid of your karma and create a new, positive karma and be free of entrenched problems. I offer free techniques to do just that and people have had great results.

  • http://none Brandi

    I LOVE THIS ENTRY! I’m a therapist, and you have put in to succinct form, what takes a long time for many people to realize. There is a reason that some are in constant suffering related to drama, and are victims over and over again. Just because someone has been hurt by another *raped, beaten, verbally berated*, doesn’t mean that in their own head, they need to IDENTIFY with the victim mentality and allow it to limit them. Though it may not have been their fault that they were harmed, they can work through what happened, and move on to more productive states of mind. Thanks for writing!

  • Fuckit

    There are people up on the top that don`t give a shit about us. We are their slaves. They are doing everything to destroys us while using our energy as a human resource. (Chemtrails, NWO, 9/11, War, money, power, eliteism)

    Either fight!, take suicide or run for the hills!!

    I am not saying that this is a bad faulty article. Its great :)

    Just that if this was a fair and just world we lived in. This article shouldent even EXIST!

  • http://www.PathwayToHappiness.com Awareness

    You start out with…. “Contrary to popular belief, you are in control of our life. You may believe, based on what you have been taught, that…”

    There’s a contradiction here. If a person has beliefs, based on what they are taught, then they are living their life in accordance with those beliefs. Then those beliefs have power over their life and not them.

    You don’t have power over your life until you have power over your beliefs.

  • http://www.jfkislanders.com Sanjay Sharma

    If karma is a summation of attaining a more positive position in life, you can’t get more positive than reading through the new testament on how good God is through his son Jesus. God reminds us that there is hope and a life after our being here on earth. He also says that he has a plan for us; plans to prosper us and not to harm us. I realized how blessed I am when I came to truly understanding what God did for me. It’s not about looking at all the hard times, but rather the times when God pulls me out of circumstances.

  • Smitty

    Actually jessy, the points you nay-sayed are really pretty flawless. That’s however, my opinion. Being a victim of some of the tragedies you listed off, I can honestly say that the best way to deal with any problem is to chin up and face it. Learn to cope and exist with the fact that it happened and it doesn’t have to control me. Empowerment is the main theme, after all. And as for debt, he doesn’t mean we should ignore our physical reality. Of course that could only lead to more tragedy. He means that we shouldn’t feel morally obligated to sacrifice ourself for someone over nothing or something as simple as work. Your business will not fail because you didn’t want to cover someone else’s shift. Honestly I think a lot of people with a heavy conscious feel some sort of pressure. Not to say that you shouldn’t do good for others, but that to deliver to others optimally, you must first nurture yourself. Study Buddhism. That’s my advice to the world.

  • Harry

    thank you very much for this article, i’ve come across most of them recently and thats exactly what i had done to make meself feel relief, I felt I’ve done the right thing because I am happier about my life than before.

  • http://www.openjason.com Jason

    Such a great post… and so true…. Like attracts like. You control your place in life.

  • Mike F

    Hey, I just want to commend your effort and tell every critic here to go and be self rightous somewhere else, you are the reason that change does not happen; Calling yourselves realists and pretending to be smarter than you are. Again, keep up the good work here, the world needs more people like you ;)

  • http://www.myspace.com/childersstudio Sarah Childers

    My Grandmother commited suicide when my mother was seven. Her brother died in a car accident when she was about 22 and her sister commited suicide a year or two later. Add to this many other horrifying stories and that is my mothers life.

    My mother was told by her step mother never to speak her real mom’s name. The kids at school used to dance around my mother chanting “Kristie’s mommy is dead.”

    She has learned only in the last decade or so what you speak of in this article. We need to teach things like this in public schools. As a mother I will do my best to teach my son these “basics of life.”

    Thanks Jared.

    Sarah Childers

  • http://thesocalledme.net Jenny

    great post! and thanks for the tips.

  • http://personal-development-for-abundance.com Sharon

    Thank you for the article Jerad and a great reply Sarah.

    My mother also had a difficult life. She unfortunately never learned the lessons that Sarah’s mum did.

    The end result was a painful, miserable and traumatic death when she was only 61. She died of scleroderma, (the main symptom is tightening of the skin leading to total incapacitation).

    I believe she may have been susceptible to that disease because she couldn’t and wouldn’t forgive those who did her wrong. When you refuse to forgive you are essentially letting what happened in the past control the here and now.

    Forgiveness doesn’t mean to accept or condone any wrongdoing. It simply means letting go of what ever happened in the past and moving forward. Something I don’t believe my mum did.

  • http://www.DOCintheBiz.com Dr. KC

    This is an amazing post and I think that many people do not realize that we do have incredible control over our emotions and the way we feel. I think that this post directly relates to my post entitled, “It is All in Our Thinking.” I would love your feedback on it at http://www.DOCintheBiz.com/blog.

    Thanks for sharing this great information!
    Dr. KC
    http://www.DOCintheBiz.com

  • http://www.coachkip.net Coach Kip

    Great post. There are a lot of things in here that I use, and there are a few that I will begin using. What a great way to change your life.

  • Steppenlamb

    I don’t think you can “move on” until you admit the facts of what happened “back then.” Relating those facts will bring up emotions that need to be felt. Telling someone to “suck it up” is the voice of parents/caregivers who didn’t give needed support. It’s cowardly.

    Alice Miller says that forgiveness isn’t needed. In fact, it can often prolong pain by masking it. If an abuser apologizes for SPECIFIC harms you have the option to forgive. But you need to. And apologies without specifics are useless. The specifics make the abuser own the transgression.

    Forgiveness can also compound problems by endorsing the damage. Such forced/faux forgiveness makes abuse okay. The “true self” needs honoring.

    Many people forget that “peace-loving” Swiss, Swedes, and Tibetans were once warrior cultures (hence popes employing Swiss Guards). Similarly, we forget or fantasize about religions. Buddhist monks, though, can be just as sadistic as any Catholic Inquisitor, just as judgmental as any Savonarola. We tend to forget, too, that AA was founded by fundamentalists, their 12-steps reflecting the “harsh way” their absolutist, Old Testament, men-are-sinners religion touted.

    No one exits the womb not wanting to thrive. We are all shaped by those around us. The luckiest get the nourishing they need. They grow up confident, giving back to the world the love they got. Most of us were forced to view ourselves in fun-house mirrors held by wounded others. Alice Miller says if we have at least one “enlightened witness” who takes our feelings seriously, we’ll be okay…even if circumstances don’t change. Many of us didn’t get that.

    It’s arrogant, dangerous, and deceitful to think abused people just need to “change their minds”. It’s like telling someone to “just” fly a plane. Hard work and pain is required. Not the pain of the original trauma; the wound of finally feeling the emotions that were stuffed.

    Many therapists have not undergone the “undoing” of their own past damages. They live through their patients, sometimes retraumatizing them in the process. Their advice is glib and dangerous. The “Great Santinis” are the worst. They’re the adults who admit to being spanked, yet say it didn’t hurt them. Right. They beat their own kids and think nothing of it. Somehow it’s okay to harm dependent, small children humans…but “unacceptable” to hit a spouse who is big and mature.

    Go figger.

    People who self-limit do so for a reason. It made sense, at some point in their past to act as they did. There is an essential integrity to their dysfunction. Telling them to “snap out of it now” just adds more abuse.

    If you really want to help someone who is stuck, earn their trust. Walk in their shoes. Coax them to open up. Have them relate the FACTS of what they endured. Then stay with them as stored emotions come out, ones they are afraid of.

    Few advice-givers, including therapists, willingly accompany others into trenches/arenas that they ask others to enter. They urge the frostbitten to sit next to fires, offering no comfort when thawing awakens pain.

    No one comes into the world alone. We all exit a warm body and enter the warm hands of others. If we are lucky, we die surrounded by friends and lovers and relatives. The challenge, while alive, is to stay in touch with ourselves and others who accept our original Selves.

    “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” ~ Shakyamuni

  • http://www.onlinelifecoachcourses.com/ Life Coach Course

    Wow is this a Web Design & Photography site or a guide to life! AWESOME post!

  • http://www.waynejohn.com Wayne

    When I get depressed I do something completely different, and that sometimes helps to get my frame of mind off the downer thoughts and into a different frameset.

    It sometimes works. When it doesn’t, there is always a place where everyone knows your name. :)

  • klein

    You are a youngster and have obviously not had to experience great adversity in life. I went through this period as well from the time I was in my mid teens to my late 20’s. Eventually you will realize that life IS a bitch and then you die. That isn’t all it is, but no matter how positive you are and no matter how empowered you feel over yourself and your life, there will be things that come your way that are just bad.
    Some of us have been banging our heads against the “I am in control of my life” wall for a very long time and not getting anywhere with it.

  • Steve

    –I often run this quote through my head when I am making decisions… “What would the child you once were think about the adult you have become?”–

    If I lived my life by these rules, I think the child I was would disown me as one of the selfish little shits I always swore I wouldn’t become.

  • http://www.ijerad.com Jerad

    Klein, I understand your apprehension due to my age and I respect that issue. Many people my age have not been through much in life, most of the people I hung around with when I was younger are still not doing anything notable in their life, mainly because they have not grown up yet. I will be the first on here to say that people do not mature as early as they used to. However, I have been through a lot in my life time, not much of which I wish to share on this blog but I would be more then happy to share it in an email to help you better understand me and my intentions.

    Thank you for your comment, I appreciate your honesty.

    Jerad

  • http://nmwoodworks.com/life BillinDetroit

    “Stop, stop talking about who’s to blame; when all that counts is how to change.” — James “Seven”

    It’s a lot easier to ‘live in today’ than most people realize. That doesn’t mean dis-owning the past or ignoring the onrushing future. But it DOES mean doing all of our -living- in the here and now.

    How many regrets can one man carry? How much shame? Of what use is todays pride tomorrow?

    We can only assign blame to history. But we cannot live there. Ask the Israelis and Palestine Arabs about that.

    Fix what is broken and move on. At the end, we have an appointment with death. Until then, we have a rendezvous with life.

  • http://nmwoodworks.com/life BillinDetroit

    Klein; I am 56. I have killed. I have loved. I have married and I have buried. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Starvation poor. I’ve dealt with my chemical addictions one by one. I’ve dispatched the demons that were killing me and I’ve employed the ones who aid me. I’ve been a restaurant manager, a railroad conductor, a minister, a dishwasher, a salesman, a teacher, a prep-cook, a bum living in unheated buildings in the winter, a machinist, a tool & die-maker, an addict, an alcoholic, a ‘kept man’.

    I’ve saved a couple of lives at great risk to my own. The first time, I was 11 years old. I went under river ice to retrieve my friend. I can’t swim.

    I’ve been shot at 22 separate times — as an unarmed civilian. I’ve dealt the only blow in a motorcycle gang dispute. All the aggressors were certain of was that they were down one and hadn’t seen me move.

    I’ve drowned. I’ve been paralyzed. Twice. I’ve raised two sons as a single, custodial, Dad. I have married four times and been cuckolded three. Number four has been faithful for nearly 8 years. I have lost two houses to divorce.

    Is that enough experience to suit you?

    Why are you beating your head against any wall?

    I’m not rich again because I don’t want to be. There is no other reason. I’ve made the decision that I prefer poverty.

    I went to Ireland last fall and I’m headed for Aruba next week. In between, I’ve flown to Florida to hear a concert and to Minneapolis to kiss my granddaughter. My wife has been to Arkansas for a wedding and NYC to spend time with her Mom. All since September.

    In 2009, if their politics settle down, we are going to Kenya for a week. Otherwise, we are headed to Trinidad.

    Stop playing the game by someone else’s rules. Win.

  • http://nmwoodworks.com/life BillinDetroit

    Awareness, you wrote: “You don’t have power over your life until you have power over your beliefs.”

    When did you lose the ability to chose what to believe?

    And where did you get THAT belief?

    Know what you believe and why you believe … or don’t believe.

  • joe barnes

    wow when you get to stephen lamb just skip it not sure where he got all that info , but as an adult i would not hit my spouse because they are old enough to talk to you , when have you had a adult conversation with a child. Just so you know abuse its an uneducated person who hits another.
    Anyway great info, here just so you know we control everthing in our life , if you don,t believe me wake up it,s that time .

  • Jay

    One thing that gets me about people who always seem to know about “how to be happy” is the fact that it always starts off with; “Get more money.” I’m not rich, I’m middle class, but I’m happier than anyone I know, well almost, and I’ll tell you the secret. Love who you are and be grateful for everything you have., the rest will fall into place.

  • always

    –I often run this quote through my head when I am making decisions… “What would the child you once were think about the adult you have become?”–

    I disagree with this. The child I once was, was naive and unrealistic. I believe I have matured and grown as an individual so much, in terms of mentality, over the last 15 years. I grew up with ridicule and emotional abuse for most of my childhood, and the child I was as a result wanted to punish myself and bring myself down.

    The child I was, was scared. Scared of challenges, scared of stepping out of my comfort zone and, funny as it may sound, scared of excelling or actually doing well. Part of me didn’t WANT me to do well. Part of me wanted me to suffer because I thought I was ‘worthless’ and ‘undeserving’.

    Now, I am the opposite. Now I HATE comfort. I always used to look for comfort as a kid, now I look for the challenges and ways to push myself to my limits. I find that people fear losing or failing so much that they don’t try new things, but there is NOTHING more liberating than pitting my wits against something I don’t know I will succeed at but want to give it a shot. This is the way I live now and it is, more often than not, rewarding.

    It was a painful process, picking apart my old beliefs and perceived limitations but it was worth it 100%.

    I use my past to learn from, not to beat myself up over. It achieves nothing doing that – the past is the past, nothing can be done to change that.

    ———

    Going back to the very point of the post, you are absolutely correct in the statement that we “are in control of our life”. Every past decision we have made, however small, has contributed to where we are right now. Our decisions account to up to 70% of it, the rest going to external situations. The moment I realized this was the moment I actually did take control of my life. Every action I take now, I ask myself the key question: *Will doing this take me towards where I want to go or will it be a step back?”* The answer dictates every step of my life and has benefited me to no end.

    Thank you for an excellent post. I didn’t intend to make my reply so long so most people will probably not have the time to read it, but hopefully it will help anyone who does read it.

  • http://pushpendrapaliwal.blogspot.com pushpendra paliwal

    i like design of your blog
    reply you soon about the content

  • http://www.sam.com Sam West

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  • Paige

    http://www.transworldynamics.com/content/view/45/18/

    All that needs to be said! This goes along away

  • Cyp

    That’s the biggest piece of crap i ever read. Others don’t have control over your life. :)) funny. there are a lot of situations that prove you wrong. for instance you can fall in love with someone that doesn’t give a shit about you or you may need urgent help in some issue: for instance if you are hit by a car and need emergency assistence don’t you depend on someone else?!of course i choose some extrems, but this is the reality : all you can control is the choices you make (that are severely limited) and that does not help, because whatever you do the outcome might be the worst possible. yes it’s a good advice to get over it and move on, but it does not help . in fact it actually makes it worse, because the person depressed begins to justify himself and thus find more reasons to be depressed. is like this story, that is supposed to be a joke, but in fact it isn’t:

    a man came to a a psichologist complaining that he is very depressed, and that he can’t find anything in life to bring him joy.
    after a lot of trying to make him feel better the psichologist cot an idea:
    he told the man that he saw at some circus a clown that was so funny, that will instantly cheer him up no matter how sad he was.
    and the man replied:
    but doctor… that clown… is actually myself (“i am that clown” in some versions)

    all the psihoanalitical part is crap , if you want to help such a person you have to be there when he needs it and never judge him.

  • http://www.arubareviews.com Aruba Reviews

    Great post, very inspiration…. I love that you mention that anyone can make a change on their own lifes.

  • http://youfabulousyou.com christie

    You are right. You can change your life anytime you want. I write all about this on my blog. Life can be so rewarding. You just have to learn to love yourself and you’ll be surprised at how fast things start to change for the better; in your life

  • http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com Awareness

    For BillinDetroit,,,

    when did you lose control over your beliefs??? In the larger picture we didn’t. But people have been unconsciously creating beliefs for years. And the beliefs they put their faith in came from others that influenced them long before there was an awareness of what they were doing. By the time people are adults they have a mind filled with beliefs that they are not even aware of. Every emotional reaction, denial, or projection of ego is based in beliefs. And people do their behaviors, addictions, and emotional habits because of their beliefs. Their beliefs control them just out of habit.

    Call it a person’s baggage if you want.

    Yes you can drop all your bags and only the person carrying them can do it. You can drop them one at a time or all at once. However to do it is a skill that is not taught in vary many places.

    You can gain control of your life, but not until you gain control of your self. To do that you will first need to gain control of your beliefs (baggage). It takes more than a week and a half to learn those skills. You can’t change your beliefs until you become aware of what they are. you can’t stop those emotional reactions until you master detachment. You can’t stop being sad until you master compassion. You can’t stop being a victim until you stop your self judgment. You can’t stop either of those until you learn to shift your point of view outside the ego mind of the inner judge and victim.

    Yes you can potentially have control over all of this. But to say that you have control of this now is a stretch. You have the opportunity to take control at any time. Whether a person does it is another thing.

    Mastering your mind, your beliefs, your attitude, and your emotions is what we are talking about here. You can’t master control of your life until you master control of those things and that takes discipline and practice.

    It takes time to develop wrestle control of your being from your ego mind. In the meantime you are still responsible, but not necessarily in control.

    Gary

  • passerby

    I love this article, it is very inspirational and yes often times we do chain ourselves down and don’t see our absolute potential.

    I noticed someone’s comment on your blog stating that there are indeed people who are “victims” such as those who suffered a loss, were abused, etc.

    I don’t believe that to be true because the loss of a human life is most often out of our control, thus if we move along life with our head down, we don’t see our future. I know this first hand as my brother passed away less than a year ago, i miss him, but i am not a victim. I can choose to have a good life with what’s left of mine.

    Again, many thanks for taking the time to write this great read. :) Keep em comin!

  • annakat

    Great Advise! You get out of life what you put into it. Don’t let others put you done. Only you can control who hurts your feelings and some of those probably don’t even realize what they are doing. Take the bull my the horns and start acting as you want to be treated.