Why people don't care about you and what you can do to change that today!

Regardless of what you think people don’t care about you. All of the books you have read on How to make friends and win people over to your way of thinking is not working. There are many good reasons for this in which I will explain as you read on.

People today have so many things coming at them, from advertising to expectations in the home and the workplace. Our time and attention is spread so thin that we can go weeks with out even thinking about things of usual importance to us. As we get busier it seems that we fall further away from those we wish to get some form of attention from. We get so wrapped up in our day to day, just to survive that we forget about everybody else, until we start to notice that they are beginning to forget about us. In the midst of it all, we have our opinions, our suggestions and thoughts for the way the world and other people should work.

As most of you know, I am a freelance business guy. I work alone, all of my business interactions are accomplished at my hand. I meet with prospective clients, work with the clients through out the creation/design process and am even the follow up person months out after launch. I believe that one of the most important things to do in business, as well as in life, is to maintain relationships. Relationships are an important part of our existence, they confirm we exist and that we matter.

The first thing I have to say about your failing if not nonexistent relationships is that it’s your own fault. This may come as a shock to you since you are so perfect but it’s true, I have experienced it first hand in my own life. Relationships are like a boiling pot of water, the hotter it gets the faster it can evaporate if you don’t keep an eye on it. (don’t ask how I just came up with that metaphor) But it’s true is it not? The closer you get to someone, the more it takes to keep that relationship moving forward. This is true in dating relationships, friendships and business relationships.

So why doesn’t anyone give a rip about you? It’s simple, you don’t give a rip about anybody else. You are selfish and believe that everybody should love you for who you are. I’m not saying that you need to change yourself in order to be liked more you need to change the way you interact with people. If you have little or no friends and you often spend your downtime alone then try a few of these suggestions. You will be surprised at how fast people warm up to you. These suggestions will work with anybody (not tested on the clinically ill) and I will explain why.

1. Be genuinely interested in the other person.
Step back and pretend that somebody is asking you how your day was, they are looking you right in the eyes and nodding as you share happenings from your day that you found important. As you are explaining your day something must have struck the listener as interesting because he asks you to tell him more about it. You engage yourself even deeper into the conversation and seem to be enjoying yourself. Why wouldn’t you be, you are talking about yourself.

This is just one example of a way you can be genuinely interested in someone. What often happens is that we want to talk about ourselves and that gets in the way of being interested in someone else. We want to share our day with them, tell them about our likes and dislikes. Why? Because we are so much more important then them. Maybe not, but that is how it comes off. I have decided that I do not need to share anything about myself unless someone directly asks or it will better the person’s situation.

When in a conversation with another person I ask them questions to keep them talking about themselves and I genuinely care about what I am asking. You can learn so much about a person just by asking simple questions. I suggest you try this with co-workers that you deal with on a day to day basis. After doing this just once, I can bet that it will improve your working relationship with this person ten fold.

#2 Don’t judge anybody, AT ALL!
Contrary to popular believe, people are kind of smart, so when you are chatting with a friend or co-worker over the water cooler or whatever we chat over these days, I guess AIM, and you are saying bad things about somebody else it gets their mind thinking. When I hear someone badmouthing somebody else for no apparent reason it makes me wonder if they badmouth me when they talk to someone else when I’m not around. I can’t say I have always been good at this. I like cracking jokes just as much as the next guy.

Here is the problem, when you judge another or make a joke at their expense it lets the person that is listening to you know that you do not respect the person who is getting talked about. If you can disrespect someone behind their back to somebody else it usually means that you could do it to anybody. During situations like this you will often notice standoffishness, crossed arms or the person’s eyes will start to chase back and forth as if they are thinking.

The solution is to take your mother’s advice, “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.” As a matter of fact, why not say something nice about the person instead, it sure won’t be easy at first but after a while it will become second nature.

#3 Don’t be so quick to prove others wrong.
We are naturally competitive people and we need to know that we are right, but we often let that get in the way of our relationships. I am learning this at an even more intimate level being that I am recently married. We have this desire to be right so we cut people off, correct them and let them know they are off the mark as often as we get the change. This is not the way to make friends and maintain good relationships. There is a better way to do it.

How many times a day do you correct somebody on life of death situations? Probably almost never, unless you are a doctor. We correct people on small issues and indisputable matters. What shines through more so then the correctness of our opinion is the fact that we just have to be right. I have had a hard time with this because I was told that I was wrong a lot growing up. Not so much by my parents, but by teachers and friends I had, so my natural inclination is to defend myself. In all reality what am I defending myself from? Nothing, it’s all psychological and easy to get over. Today, I would much rather listen to a person talk about something they care about then to shoot them down because they are wrong. Let someone else do that, you know it will happen because they are “so wrong…” You can be the good guy that listens and genuinely cares about what they have to say. Changes are that their wrongness is not that bad.

Spend a week testing these three suggestions on those around you. You will start to see a change in the way people are around you. You will also notice that people will genuinely be interested in you in return. Just as it is with business you need to give to receive. There is a good book I just finished reading called The Go-Giver. It’s a book about changing your perspective in attaining new business but it works for life as well.

These are just a few good ways to get other people to like you more. Even if you are already doing these things you should try harder. You can never show someone to much respect or attention when it comes to letting them talk about themselves and share what is important about themselves with you.

Do you have some ideas that have worked in your life? Maybe you have a story about how you used techniques similar to this? Share your thoughts in the comment box below.