Where am I at?

Well, it has been a while since I have blogged about anything related to self, or current thought anyway. So here it goes…

For a long time I have entertained the idea of moving out of the area. Not 100% sure why. I don’t want to say that it is due to the fact that I have never lived anywhere else then Modesto but at the same time it could be partial to that fact. On the other hand I have created a lot of bumps in the road behind me which always seem to come back and remind me of those paths taken so on some level I may just be feeling the desire to start over fresh somewhere else.

I almost purchased my Mother’s home from her. In fact I was going to, but the loans currently available to me are not the kind of terms I really want to get stuck in so I decided not to go through with that. It had been kind of back and forth so when I decided the last time to go through the process to see what can be qualified for I told myself if this does not happen then I think I really want to move somewhere else and try that out for a while. It was not really a decision set in stone but I keep humoring it. I put in my 30 day notice at the house I currently live in because I have been thinking about either getting a home that could accommodate a roommate, or a 2 bedroom apartment. Either way, it would be to consolidate my monthly cost of living so that I might have a few extra $$ in the bank to help offset the cost of moving and working to get more work in a new area where nobody knows me.

Where would I move you ask? I am not sure but what I do know is that I really want to move somewhere close to a church that I like. I really like Mars Hill in Seattle and I really like the New Life Church in Colorado Springs. I really don’t know if I will move that far away. All I know is that the cost of living is comparable to Modesto. I have also thought about a smaller town in LA but I don’t think I could handle LA. It would probably sent me right back to Modesto. I can’t handle the traffic.

Moving is not just a me decision. If it was only me who would be effected I would probably be gone already. I have a lot here in Modesto that I would have to either put on pause or remote connection (sorry for the techie term there, I could not think of any other word to use). Never the less, I know that I need to make a decision soon. I would however be coming back to Modesto quite often should I move because I have 6 weddings left this year and others planned for next year.

I think the biggest fear I have is that if I stay in Modesto right now with out at least trying something different I will never be at peace. I am so afraid that I will become complacent with everything I have. I do not want to live a complacent life. I want to love the life I have. If getting out of town only makes me appreciate what I have here in Modesto all the more then that is exactly what I need.

Really I have no idea why I am blogging this, although writing (typing) stuff out does help the mind process better, in the past I have found it gets me past actually having to deal with things. I think I’m just going to stop typing now before I start having a conversation with myself (Aimee, you will appreciate that comment).